Is it a pink cow ?

I watched a movie recently in which there was a large star cast. And a pink cow that appeared repeatedly throughout the movie.  I liked the movie. I did not care much for number of people who were cast. But I cared a lot for the pink cow.

Mainly because the pink cow appears in my life too. Quite a lot.

In that movie, the pink cow was not real. It was just a figment of imagination of the main protagonist’s mind. It was a phantom that his mind conjured up, whenever he would try to kick his substance abuse. The pink cow would be seen only by him. In full glory. Fuchsia pink. With a bell around its neck. Staring in his eyes. Immobile and stubborn. His reaction would always be extreme panic, fear and sometimes hysteria. He was told that it did not exist. He was asked to be brave and try to get hold of the cow’s horns the next time it appeared. He tried to work on his mind, but no ! The pink cow would keep appearing, scaring the hell out of him, making his life miserable, forcing him to go running towards the very thing that he was running away from. In the end, he does overcome his fear, but then it was a movie.

I see the pink cow too. Every other day.

For me, this pink cow is one of these illogical fears that loom upon my life constantly. Why and when and how did I become this bundle of nerves, getting worried about everything, I don’t know. These fears. Maybe they happen because they  are triggered by some unpleasant business in past, or maybe because of something some one told me once, or maybe because I read something somewhere. I don’t trust my life.  I keep fearing some catastrophe to fall upon me. Some crisis that I have no control on, which is going to spiral my life downwards steadily and rapidly.

The movie was good for me. It was good to see someone’s fears take a shape and colour and form. I identified with that character. I used to think that I am being intelligent, well informed and cautious by listening and reacting to my fears, but I know that all I was seeing was a pink cow. A ridiculous phantom, that does not exist but has complete control over my mind. Can something that can’t be touched or felt, something that does not actually exist have such a massive impact on your life ? It seems it can.

Since that moment, I can’t really say that I have conquered all my fears and anxieties, but I have learnt to ask myself this question “So is this something real, or is it just a pink cow ?”

It helps me look at things in perspective. It helps me understand that unless an event happens, do NOT believe that it will. IT exists only in the mind. It is not real.

It’s just a pink cow.