Yes indeed, there IS a Santa Claus !

Sometimes, when the going gets so tough that I feel I cannot bear it anymore, some sparkling moment happens and completely turns my life around. Like last night, I had something which can be best described as something close to a nervous breakdown, or at least an emotional meltdown. It had been a hard day at work, constantly uphill, constantly a struggle. Then rushing back from work during lunch to meet the children, talk with them, listen to them, then rush back again for more uphill, thankless action. Where is all this leading to ? Why am I running up and down so hard, that sometimes I don’t know whether I am coming or going ? What do I hope to achieve ? Why bother ?

The worst was making umpteen phone calls at around midnight to Naval who happens to be attending a workshop in Cambridge. His phone is constantly at silent mode, he does not pick up my call. My head hurts, my eyes are burning, and to make it worse, I am worried. Is he alright ? Is he safe and sound ? I try to tell myself that it does not matter – he must be busy attending sessions. Even if he does not answer the phone, he is probably fine. I try to sleep. I cannot. I give up. I revert to obsessive speed dialing on my phone till its about 2 AM. Finally he answers. By this time I am besides myself and instead of having a conversation, I end up venting. I bang down the phone and cry painful sobs for the next one hour. I am tired. Actually I am beyond tired. I just cannot cope anymore. I have to attend a scary parents-teachers meeting (for Alma) in the morning. I have to wake up early. I fall into a restless sleep for the next two hours.

As me and Alma wait out our turn in a roomful of anxious parents, I feel my head throbbing. My eyes are red and tired. Let me go through this one too, I think to myself. The teacher seems to be spending a lot of time with some parents – long, sulky, defensive, offensive discussions happening. When I can’t stand it anymore, I approach the teacher while she is midway with a bunch of parents. The teacher looks at me wearily.

“I am Alma’s mother. If you could just tell me about her quickly, I shall make a dash. I have to reach my lab soon.” I hope she will be accommodating, though knowing teachers I don’t dare hope much.

She looks at me and then at Alma standing behind me in her school uniform, smiling brightly. She ignores me and suddenly beckons Alma, ‘’Come here, Alma.”

I hope she will not reprimand Alma for my impatience. She makes Alma stand in the centre and then she turns to address the other parents and children, “Now look at her. She faces no problems in her work. She does not find anything difficult. Why ? Because she is sincere. She works hard. She has no interest in any friends at all. She only concentrates on whatever is being taught by the teachers. If I ask her any question just now, she will answer it right away. Right now ! If she can do it, then why not others ?”

I was dumbfounded. Totally stunned. Shell shocked. Is she talking about my child ? My Alma ? The next moments passed in a haze. She smiled at me and nodded. The other parents and children stared at me – and Alma. I walked out of the room in a state of shock, with an ecstatic Alma in tow.

I can easily say that this was one of the moments of my life I shall never forget. “Happy’’ does not even begin to express the feeling I had. “Proud’’ is nowhere close to that amazing feeling of light headedness.

So, once in a while, life surprises me, pulls a fast one on me, and winks at me. And I get energy to move on. I stop singing “Such a long journey’’, and start singing “it’s a beautiful life” instead.

And then I remember “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.” – the letter written in 1897 to an eight year old Virginia O'Hanlon by the Sun editor, Francis Pharcellus Church, in reply to her question “Is there a Santa Claus” ?

Here is the text of the letter which became folklore over the years – it never fails to make me feel hopeful in my dark moments :

“Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.”