Such a long journey and that one perfect moment

'This trip is jinxed.' I remember myself saying at least more than a dozen times.

I often rued the day I planned it, because if trips had a mind of their own, then this one was determined on not happening.

First I planned it in summer. Something came up. Then during Dussehra holidays. This time everything seemed to work out – the kids would have finished with exams, a week long break. Till ten days before we had to leave, things looked good. Then something happened. Something inevitable. And I had to cancel our tickets, heartbroken. Of course I lost money. But that seemed to have little significance compared to what else I lost. So travel plans were put aside and responsibilities were given top priority.

Till we realized that there would be many holidays in the first week of November. ‘Lets go’ I said.

‘Yes, let’s go.’ Said the rest of the three.

Bangkok was the destination and this was OUR trip which had a destiny of its own. Thailand got hit by the worst floods ever in the last fifty years, exactly at the same time when we were planning to travel there. Canceled again. I was in a state of disbelief. Is it some kind of cosmic joke God is playing on me ?

Then someone mentioned Dubai. By now I was sick of planning and cancelling. I was also skeptical. I was like ‘No one can plan a trip that soon. Its just five days away.’ It was insane.

We got our visas just a day before the day we were to leave. Packing was at the last moment. Hell was breaking loose. Alma fell sick with a cold that refused to quit. I fell sick with worry. But we just shut down our minds, crossed our fingers and went ahead. In a flurry of crazy activity, we boarded the flight.

I remember thinking when the plane took off ‘Oh God ! We are actually off !” And yet, something else, more powerful than my being took over me. With the blast of engines, I felt all my worries, all the past bad moments that had haunted me since last one year burning away. I felt cleansed.

The moment we walked into Dubai airport, I felt peace washing over my troubled soul. Everything was so silent, so calm. It was like a balm to my hassled mind. I saw ‘Eid mubarak’ here and there and I felt happiness rise within me. We had walked into a city which was in midst of a celebration. And that too, without planning ! Maybe I will find that perfect moment I have been looking for.

The next five days whizzed past. Yet this moment stands out - It happened when we got caught in the metro station at 10.30 PM in a sea of humanity on Eid, then ran outside on the streets hoping to find a cab and did not find one for the next two hours !

We were already dead tired and our hotel was nowhere in sight. We saw tall buildings twinkling down at us, but no cab. None at all. I remember feeling ‘This can’t be happening’. We walked and walked, till our legs hurt so much that they stopped hurting after a while, maybe due to numbness. Then we found a shopping centre where we walked inside, just to sit down for some minutes. Sitab saw some boiled corn and since he was hungry, I went to the counter to buy some for him. While we were in middle of all this, Naval came running to us, breathlessly. He had found a cab finally – it was waiting outside, and could we hurry up please ! We were overjoyed. I was still collecting my change back from the saleswoman, it took me just about half a minute – but when we finally went outside, the street was empty. The cab had gone. Maybe taken away by another desperate person. It’s impossible to express in words the despair we felt. And yes, we blamed each other. Oh, how we blamed each other ! But there was nothing else to do except keep trudging on, the only difference being that now Sitab was chomping on the corn. We suddenly hated that corn. We blamed the corn for all our miseries. Sitab walked on, unconcerned.

I started flagging all cars in desperation, but it was simply no use. We did see cabs but they just whizzed past us. I was worrying about the kids. To my surprise, they walked quietly, without complaining, silently understanding. It's amazing what adversity can bring out in little people, the same little people who throw tantrums at a drop of a hat, were being my pillars of support at this strange, unreal moment in time.

Another cab drove by – I signaled hopelessly. It zoomed by. And then suddenly at a distance, it stopped. We forgot to breathe. All four of us. For a moment. And then we were running towards it, together, shouting, laughing ! Yes, it was a cab. Yes, it was ready to go to Holiday Inn. We fell inside it, cheering and almost crying with happiness, while the cab driver looked positively scared.

As the cab drove to safety, to comfort, the kids slept. After that night, we realized that we had become closer as a family. We were calmer, happier than we had been in many, many days.

The ipods were never unpacked. The books remained in the luggage. We did not need any of those. We talked a lot. We laughed a lot.

And did I have that perfect moment I was searching for ? Yes, I did. I found many moments, so beautiful, that I did not care for them being perfect at all. In the Arabic desert – when the desert moon rose behind me, I listened to the sounds of silence around me, and felt close to God. I held an eagle in my hands on 7th November, Marie Curie’s birthday and I felt close to her, to what she had stood up for. I cruised over calm waters with people closest to my heart, and I watched crimson sunsets over reddish brown sands.

I came back, the fragments of my soul no longer scattered here and there. I found myself - linked closely - to myself, to my destiny, to eternity.