So are you in flow ?

So Are you feeling happy, excited, energized today?

Or are you feeling bored, dissatisfied, anxious or worried ?

If the second is true, then most likely you are not ‘flowing’.

I came to know about this ‘flow’ just some days back. It was at a time when I was in minimal contact with people, because I was deeply involved in a scientific project which threatened to take up every moment of my days and even nights. I expected to feel tired, but I was surprised to find myself feeling energized all the time. I expected to feel irritable because of being overworked, however, I was in the happiest mood.

I remember feeling exactly the same when I was in the process of co-studying with my daughter just before her exams. We were like a team, cohesive and concurrent, completely synchronized, pursuing a common goal, cheering at every success, celebrating every accomplished task together.

Flow – simply a state of being completely focused in one task, living only in the present moment, the whole being fixed in pursuing only the success of that particular task. It could be studies, a football game, cooking a challenging dish, building a project.

According to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, you are flowing if :

* goals are clear

*feedback is immediate

*a balance between opportunity and capacity

* concentration deepens

* the present is what matters

* control is no problem

* the sense of time is altered

* the loss of ego

Time flies… Oh how wonderful it is to have Father Time, that grumpy old gentleman who usually sits in our living room smoking a pipe of discontent, flying away merrily, with his robes in the wind ?

Ego falls away… Imagine that awkward, prickly crown of ego that you keep wearing on your head in that uncomfortable way, suddenly slipping away, while you forget you are and who you are supposed to be !

Isnt it sad that in this new age of gizmos, facilities, delegations, we have made life so simple for ourselves, that we no longer ‘’flow’’.

So fire those household helps, your junior colleagues, all the people who are supposed to make life easy for you, but who actually rob you of your flow. OK, don’t fire them yet, but give them a much deserved holiday for a few days.

And you roll up your sleeves, and get to work. Don’t stare in space anymore. There is a lot to be done, and done well too. Start with your garden, or rustle up something in the kitchen, maybe make a holiday project with a child, clean up that clutter at home and at your work desk. Scan all the old, frayed photographs and make a flipbook for your parents. Organize all the loose papers into labelled folders. Or sit down at work and discover something that was waiting for just YOU to get discovered. Put all the old data together, and come up with a winner. Join a dance class today or learn horse riding.

Don’t be a spectator, a consumer, an onlooker, an audience. These are all passive roles. Do something that makes you feel as if YOU are in control.

Happiness is just a flow away. If only you would loosen up, and just… flow.

Maybe this is me.

I have heard, felt, smelt,  absorbed, understood, loved, inculcated, consumed this exquisite ghazal by "Muzaffar Warsi" since I was fourteen years old.  Maybe this is the very essence of who I am. Maybe this is the core of what I wish to be. Maybe this is me.

I have translated it to the best of my ability. I hope the pride, the honour, the nobility  that shines through in these beautiful words does not get lost in the translation.

Shola hoon bhadakne ki guzaarish nahin karta
Sach munh se nikal jaataa hai koshish nahin karta
I am a flame and I do not need to take permission from anyone to burn brightly. The truth just slips out of me… I don’t even have to try.

Girtii hui deewaar ka hamdard hoon lekin
Chadhte huey sooraj ki parastish nahin kartaa
I have compassion for a wall that is deteriorating and falling to pieces. But I do not wish to worship the rising sun.

Maathe ke paseene ki mehak aaye na jis se
Wo khoon mere jism mein gardish nahin karta
The blood that is not fragrant with the perspiration of my forehead.... That blood does not dare to meander in my body.

Hamdardi-e-ehbaab se dartaa hoon 'muzaffar'
Main zakhm to rakhtaa hoon numaaish nahin karta

I am afraid of the sympathy of my loved ones… though I nurture my wounds and hurts, I do not like to put them on display.  

The birthday of my life Is come

I had been waiting awhile to write this post. A lot of events had happened but I was still waiting for that one event to happen, before I pen this down. And as surely as a rain drop that falls on the parched earth, it did happen, because nothing can stop an idea whose time had come.

It has been a hard struggle since the past five years, which finally culminated into one beautiful moment of victory.

I remember the day when pain knocked on my door. I opened the door, stared at it with unbelieving eyes but had no choice but to let it in. It unfolded slowly at first, swirled around me and engulfed my being and I was foolish enough to think that it will pass soon. It did not pass. Then as time passed by, I realized that pain had come to stay.

I remember looking for books, for quotes, for movies for inspiration and relief. I remember letting go of many old friends who were good enough for only the good times. I remember declining several invitations where I would find myself at a loss for words. I remember searching, in vain, for happiness in other unfamiliar territories.

I remember standing outside watching sunsets, every evening, alone, with the sounds of silence around me.

‘’You keep standing there, all the time.” Someone said.

 “Yes, I have been standing there since some five years now. I can’t seem to move from that point. I keep waiting, for something to come and release me from this pain. I know it will come, one day, I am sure. Till then I will stand here, at this place. Let the rest of the world move on. ”

I often wondered if my waiting was in vain. Will I stand here all my life ?

But then, everything happens at exactly the right place and the right time. And it happened.

When it did, I was still standing here.

Maybe tomorrow, when the sun rises, it will rub its eyes and stare at this place and find me gone. Maybe it will miss its old companion, as steadfast and resolute as it is.

But it will not despair….

Because now I am smiling. Yes. Now I am smiling.

My heart is like a singing bird
Whose heart is in a watered shoot:
My heart is like an apple-tree
Whose boughs are bent with thickset fruit;
My heart is like a rainbow shell
That Paddles in a halcyon sea;
My heart is gladder than all these
Because my love is come to me.
Raise me dais of silk and down;
Hang it with vair and purple dyes;
Carve it in doves and pomegranates,
And peacocks with a hundred eyes;
Work it in gold and silver grapes,
In leaves and silver fleurs-de-lys;
Because the birthday of my life
Is come, my love is come to me.

What I learnt in the past decade... and what I let go

No matter how old you may feel at any moment, you will always look back at yourself of ten years hence, as the young, eager, awkward child. So don’t ever feel that you are ‘old’. Remember, you are always young and eager… or so feels the ‘YOU’ after ten years. So go ahead, feel young always. And here’s my list of what I learnt this decade, that is, between my 30 and 40 years of age.

1. To not judge people’s meter of happiness or unhappiness by their circumstances.

That’s hugely off the mark. At the beginning of 30, I used to feel that people who :

1.  have money


2.  have a spouse and two kids


3.  have stable jobs

 Not at all. I have met so many people who have no spouse and no kids or just enough money much happier than their married-with-two-kids-and-hefty-bank-balance counterparts. I myself look back at my single days with some amount of longing, and mucho sighing.

 I remember the days when I had very less money to get by and would spend all day at SN Market trying to get the best bargains in pouring rain with my best friend. I remember how my high heels had broken and I had hobbled in the rain, laughing with raindrops on my face. Now I walk around uncomfortably in my perfect shoes, in branded shops, in plastic malls. But I am not even able to manufacture a plastic smile. I miss eating maggi for lunch, which I just cant do now because I have to force down bhindi and dal down my throat, in order to set a good example for my kids. I remember watching TV for hours, aimlessly, hopping from one channel to the other. Now the only times I change channels is when the couple in the TV starts kissing, which happens quite often, while my innocent (?), impressionable (?) kids watch on, wide eyed. I miss sleeping late, walking in home when I feel like, walking out of it when the fancy strikes ...The list goes on...

2. That I can’t do it all.

Let me rephrase it, I can’t do it even half way. At 30, I saw the years spreading happily in front of my eyes, me rushing around, driving my kids to swimming classes, or dancing classes or maybe tennis (I was not sure which, it was vague imagery actually, mucho influenced by what I read in books or watched in movies), then walking into my lab looking sunny and efficient, making great scientific discoveries,  then buying groceries in neat tetrapacks, and sometimes tossing out great Italian meals, and of course always, ALWAYS opening report cards which had straight As all the way. Of course it did not happen that way. The dance/swimming classes did not work out. Kids dropped out as soon as they were enrolled. No scientific discoveries were forthcoming. My back broke. My health suffered. I yelled myself hoarse. Their grades plummeted, then rose, then plummeted, then found a plateau. The result : A driver, two maids ; all employed in a state of dazed acceptance of the enormity of the situation. And then there was peace. Or an illusion of peace. Whatever. Ideal lives happen to ideal people. I am ''un-ideal'', I concluded.

 3. To delete the toxic.

And there is a lot of toxic waste in life all the time. Only one does not recognise it. Like…A deadpan ‘’friendship’’ which has seen better days but now there is nothing more than exchanging of pathetic news and views and much transference of misery. A pathetic sense of responsibility for people who can do without you and are actually only exploiting you, A  miserable habit like not being able to say “No’’ firmly whether it is to your boss, your spouse, your child, your friends when “NO” would do a world of good, to you and to the person concerned. And say it NOW, pronto, asap. Don’t put off ‘’NO’’ for tomorrow. Say it today. Don’t carry this pathos to another day.

 4. That work is not just worship, it’s lifeline.

And not just the work that translates into your profession, but the sense of being constantly industrious like a honey bee or an ant, so busy, so involved that the cloud of worry that constantly hovers on your head gets no chance to settle there. Move, shove, rush and run around. Just don’t get bogged down by the stagnant, the stationary or the silent. And you’ll be fine.

 5. That most fears do not come true and just before the worst happens, the tide turns.

There was a time when I would let my fears just overcome and paralyze my mind. But then I realized the futility of it all. And how liberating it was ! To realize that fears are nothing but mad caricatures drawn by my overfertile imagination. To realize that they have no bearing on my reality at all. To realize that I can take an eraser and rub them off and just let life unfold the way it does, the way it will, without my crazy pounding on its controls. And yes, the tide DOES turn. It turns all the time. So keep up that faith. Read more about this here.

 6. That I should not let even one chance to laugh go by.

Life takes unexpected, cruel turns and leaves you with nothing, sometimes. It shakes you up, bungles all your best laid plans and dictates on you till you obey meekly. That crushes the best of spirits. And somewhere along the way, laughter goes with the wind. Don’t let that laughter slip through your fingers.