What I learnt in the past decade... and what I let go

No matter how old you may feel at any moment, you will always look back at yourself of ten years hence, as the young, eager, awkward child. So don’t ever feel that you are ‘old’. Remember, you are always young and eager… or so feels the ‘YOU’ after ten years. So go ahead, feel young always. And here’s my list of what I learnt this decade, that is, between my 30 and 40 years of age.

1. To not judge people’s meter of happiness or unhappiness by their circumstances.

That’s hugely off the mark. At the beginning of 30, I used to feel that people who :

1.  have money


2.  have a spouse and two kids


3.  have stable jobs

 Not at all. I have met so many people who have no spouse and no kids or just enough money much happier than their married-with-two-kids-and-hefty-bank-balance counterparts. I myself look back at my single days with some amount of longing, and mucho sighing.

 I remember the days when I had very less money to get by and would spend all day at SN Market trying to get the best bargains in pouring rain with my best friend. I remember how my high heels had broken and I had hobbled in the rain, laughing with raindrops on my face. Now I walk around uncomfortably in my perfect shoes, in branded shops, in plastic malls. But I am not even able to manufacture a plastic smile. I miss eating maggi for lunch, which I just cant do now because I have to force down bhindi and dal down my throat, in order to set a good example for my kids. I remember watching TV for hours, aimlessly, hopping from one channel to the other. Now the only times I change channels is when the couple in the TV starts kissing, which happens quite often, while my innocent (?), impressionable (?) kids watch on, wide eyed. I miss sleeping late, walking in home when I feel like, walking out of it when the fancy strikes ...The list goes on...

2. That I can’t do it all.

Let me rephrase it, I can’t do it even half way. At 30, I saw the years spreading happily in front of my eyes, me rushing around, driving my kids to swimming classes, or dancing classes or maybe tennis (I was not sure which, it was vague imagery actually, mucho influenced by what I read in books or watched in movies), then walking into my lab looking sunny and efficient, making great scientific discoveries,  then buying groceries in neat tetrapacks, and sometimes tossing out great Italian meals, and of course always, ALWAYS opening report cards which had straight As all the way. Of course it did not happen that way. The dance/swimming classes did not work out. Kids dropped out as soon as they were enrolled. No scientific discoveries were forthcoming. My back broke. My health suffered. I yelled myself hoarse. Their grades plummeted, then rose, then plummeted, then found a plateau. The result : A driver, two maids ; all employed in a state of dazed acceptance of the enormity of the situation. And then there was peace. Or an illusion of peace. Whatever. Ideal lives happen to ideal people. I am ''un-ideal'', I concluded.

 3. To delete the toxic.

And there is a lot of toxic waste in life all the time. Only one does not recognise it. Like…A deadpan ‘’friendship’’ which has seen better days but now there is nothing more than exchanging of pathetic news and views and much transference of misery. A pathetic sense of responsibility for people who can do without you and are actually only exploiting you, A  miserable habit like not being able to say “No’’ firmly whether it is to your boss, your spouse, your child, your friends when “NO” would do a world of good, to you and to the person concerned. And say it NOW, pronto, asap. Don’t put off ‘’NO’’ for tomorrow. Say it today. Don’t carry this pathos to another day.

 4. That work is not just worship, it’s lifeline.

And not just the work that translates into your profession, but the sense of being constantly industrious like a honey bee or an ant, so busy, so involved that the cloud of worry that constantly hovers on your head gets no chance to settle there. Move, shove, rush and run around. Just don’t get bogged down by the stagnant, the stationary or the silent. And you’ll be fine.

 5. That most fears do not come true and just before the worst happens, the tide turns.

There was a time when I would let my fears just overcome and paralyze my mind. But then I realized the futility of it all. And how liberating it was ! To realize that fears are nothing but mad caricatures drawn by my overfertile imagination. To realize that they have no bearing on my reality at all. To realize that I can take an eraser and rub them off and just let life unfold the way it does, the way it will, without my crazy pounding on its controls. And yes, the tide DOES turn. It turns all the time. So keep up that faith. Read more about this here.

 6. That I should not let even one chance to laugh go by.

Life takes unexpected, cruel turns and leaves you with nothing, sometimes. It shakes you up, bungles all your best laid plans and dictates on you till you obey meekly. That crushes the best of spirits. And somewhere along the way, laughter goes with the wind. Don’t let that laughter slip through your fingers.