That half

I had a wonderful childhood and I would have given it ten on ten if there was not one imposing shadow on it – the dark, scary shadow of mathematics. I was terribly weak in maths and as the years progressed, I only got progressively worse, no matter how much I practised.

The spectre of Maths took full form in my fifth standard when I managed to get impossible marks in my test one day : I scored a miserable half on twenty. Yes, that’s it. Half, as in 0.5. That’s all I got.

That afternoon hell broke loose in my home. My mom simply lost it, so to speak. My father found the whole thing rather amusing. All he had to say was that maybe I could have given that half some respect, like maybe got one and a half or two and a half. Poor ‘half’ seemed a bit lonely and frightened, all alone.

But from that point on, that half stuck to my life. It was brought up every time I did badly, and surprisingly also every time I did well in my life. With every failure of mine it was like ‘But of course, we should have known it when she got that half’and with every success it was like “Ïmagine, could anyone believe that this is the same girl who got HALF at one time ?’

I grew up, went places, got married, got employed, got awards, had kids… but the HALF lived on, suddenly making its appearance up in lazy conversations, often a reason for laughter and bonding in my family ; and often a source of embarrassment for me. I suspect that the HALF became a part of my sub consciousness – Since there was no way I could shake it off, I decided to live with it.

In a strange quirk of fate, Alma is a wizard at mathematics. Right from early years, she could calculate sums and differences at an amazing speed. She found tables a breeze, she cracked fractions with ease.

It would have been all rosy, had it not been that HALF that keeps haunting me day and night.

So just before her maths test is due, I would wake up in cold sweat. And wake HER up from deep sleep too.

“Wake up, you have a maths test today !” I am breathless.

“So ? Its 4 AM. My school starts at 8 AM, for God’s sake.” She rolls up her eyes in exasperation.

“ No ! Lets practice some place values. I am still confused between lakhs and crores. What comes first ? And the expanded form ! And the…”

“But I am not confused ! I KNOW all that !”

“Please ! Please ” I almost beg her.

She sighs resignedly, then gets out of the bed, knowing very well that there is no way I will let her sleep anymore. She knows all about that HALF. She knows that at the slightest provocation, that half dances a scary dance in front of my eyes and frightens me to death.

After an hour of Maths practice, I sit back, with a hot cup of tea in my hand, a relaxed smile on my face.

She looks at me, amused and says “It’s going to be alright.”

And then she smiles too.

Maybe it’s finally time to give a ceremonial burial to that HALF with full state honours.

We both look outside the window – the dawn is breaking through the sky.