People will know that where I used to be, now there is only space. Empty space. I have gone. They will talk. They will call each other in a state of shock. They will inform as many people they know or I knew. The word will fly around. They will remember me, as I used to be when I was a child, when I grew up. They will talk about my achievements in an exaggerated way. They will put me on a pedestal, and talk about me as if I were a saint. They will look at my children, my unfinished dreams, everything I leave behind, with compassion . They will remember the way I used to smile, wink, laugh, talk. They will write obituaries full of kind, rich words, describing me as a person I was not.
They will prepare to get rid of my ‘mortal remains’. The body that I lived in, the face that is me, will have to be disposed of, in a dignified way.
My last wish ? That they never find my ‘my mortal remains’. That even if they search for me, they would never be able to find me. I want my end to be mysterious. A question mark.
I wish....That one day, when my moment has come, I disappear, I fly away. The molecules that formed me would joyfully explode, annihilate, and disperse themselves in the universe. And I would become one with the stars, the earth, the sky, the moon.
Strange! Confusing! Numbing.
ReplyDeleteFirst assure me it is just a blog-post and a nightmare you had...nothing much to be read into it.
Relationships are two-way street. People have right to miss you, grieve, cry, say good words, pay obituaries, and more just as you have right to not expect them to. They do so to honor and feel good about the honest relationship shared, or to feel better themselves and be prepared for future by letting go or because you deserve to be remembered-I guess, it will be a bit of all three. Why deny them?
Let us say one explodes like an astronaut in an aborted mission in space and achieves the end like you said. No mortal remains. Mysterious. A question mark. So? How does that change things any way for better or worse in the world below? Or for the one who may become a star? Who knows who becomes a star and how? I am lazy enough to wish myself to be star from where I am :-)
Kirit, maybe I have come to a point where I dont care about changing the world for better anymore. The world is changing fast enough, for better or for worse, and will continue to change so, with or without me.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, its just a blog post. Its just that I have seen deaths of some friends recently, and I wish I would not go that way. I dont want people to sugarcoat words when they speak about me, just because I am gone. I want none of the world, once I am gone. I wish to be free, of human bondage, of human hypocrisy, if not in life, then certainly in death. :)
What people say after we die should not matter that much.Whether they find your body or not,is not very significant.I think you are overreacting to death.
ReplyDeleteMurphydoc, I hope thats all I'm doing... overreacting :) But really, I mean it. I do wish to disappear into thin air one day !!
ReplyDeleteSujata..well written piece...remember when people pretend to mourn the dead, they are actually mourning their own lives..they really do not care about one who has gone....caring stops with death. They just feel that without him or her their own life's burden has increased. Life as we all know is not a sprint run in front of a cheering crowd but a marathon run on long,lonely,dusty,winding roads with the dead as spectators and it ends when you become a spectator too.. As regards to how and when you will go it is not for you to chose or even wish ..it is simply an event well timed and well executed....cheers
ReplyDelete'Caring stops with death'. Well said, Sumeet. Thanks for your comments :) They are so beautiful :)
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